3 Things I had to Learn as a Single Parent to Maintain Sanity

Raising a baby completely by yourself is a task unlike any other. I’m not a perfect housekeeper but I had become fairly established in my way of doing things living on my own. I left crafts out on the table if I wasn’t quite done yet. I washed dishes every night. I killed germs, and kept dust at bay. You wouldn’t know that now…

It’s all I can do to keep germs away from Mikaela, my nearly 8 month-old baby girl. 

Any parent, teacher, or guardian understands how exhausting it can be to care for an infant. They require frequent–sometimes constant–attention. Your arms burn as you hold them up on your lap when they incessantly jump, jump, jump! By the time they do fall asleep and you carefully tiptoe to the crib, you breathe a silent deep sigh of relief after successfully creeping away from the sleeping baby. You look around at the disaster you dwell in and realize you’re just too tired to do anything except make sure the bottles are ready for daycare tomorrow. And even then you cautiously think, Could those wait until the morning?

And then you plop on the couch, the chaos around you sinking in. Your eyes wander over the catastrophe that used to be your relaxing refuge. “My living room looks like a daycare!” your bestie texted the day before with a photo. So does yours with a baby swing, an exersaucer, a changing table, a monstrous tote blocking the entertainment center, and toys s t r e w n  a c r o s s the floor. The TV is still playing the old episode of a preschool show you know by heart, quoting it word-for-word dramatically. Your blinks get longer. Your breathing slows and deepens. You’re falling asleep. Will you ever get anything done???

This has been me for the past 8 months. (Well, okay longer than that since I didn’t do much in the third trimester.) I get frustrated and disappointed in myself. I worry about what I could be teaching Mikaela by my slothfulness. Anxiety starts to creep in as I brush my teeth just before quietly crawling into bed (Mikaela’s crib is in my room). I lie there wide awake beating myself up. My stress levels rise. It affects my work environment and progress. My brain is foggy all day, thanks to lasting effects of “pregnancy brain” and little sleep. I struggle with losing the “baby weight”. I feel stressed out all. The. Time. 

Enough is enough. Something has to give. Mikaela deserves better than an exhausted, stressed-out Mommy. So, here are 3 things I’ve learned to do to maintain sanity:

1. Put the highchair in the kitchen by the sink. I turned doing the dishes into an interactive science lesson for baby. I put a little water on Mikaela’s tray and let her splash around. I sing to her. I comment on what she’s learning. I narrate what I’m doing as I wash the dishes and clean the counter. I sometimes repeatedly open and closer a drawer. We are interacting and I feel like a good human because my kitchen is now clean. 

I don’t always get it all done but at least some of it is done, meaning less to do later!

2. 5 minutes is all it takes to complete many a chore. Tidy up the coffee table. Put all the toys back in the bin…again…for 6th time today. Wipe down the bookshelves. Dust the entertainment center. The list goes on. 

Mikaela doesn’t take very long naps. I can typically bet on about 20 minutes. I try to prioritize those 20 minutes: water, food, chore. Some days, I barely get the water down. 

3. Savor the small moments. Few things are more precious than holding your baby while she sleeps in your arms. I love to cuddle her! I love to listen to her breathe. I sweep my fingers through her soft, fine hair. I stroke her back. I smell her skin. I do everything I can to commit that moment to memory. And when she laughs. And when she tries to startle me. And when she’s talking to her toy. All the things. I know I won’t remember them all, but I do try. 

Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do, to stop and smell the roses? I find that when I do, laugh is a little easier to face. I’ve got this beautiful little girl who relies upon me for everything. And by golly, I’m gonna do the best I can!  

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